Entertainment Value

I had to go to the mall the other day. I never go to the mall. Or rather, when I do go to the mall it’s to buy gift certificates, which has me in a store and out of a store in 15 minutes. I do my shopping online. This time I had to walk through the mall from store to store to store.

It’s like a freak show in there! A three ring circus with only the clowns! I’m standing in line to pay for my items when the guy in front of me reaches for his wallet. He twists to the right extending his hand almost to his knee in search of the pocket housing his cash. He’s got on a pair of those shorts styled after penguins – the waist mid-butt, the crotch below his knees and the hem nearing his sock line.

He manages to find his wallet, but after a move that would make a yoga instructor proud.

While I’m waiting for him to finish his fashion senseless contortions, I glance to my right at the woman at the counter in the other line. While her significant other was buying her some trinket, her fashion sense indicated she thought she was 30 lbs lighter and two pant sizes smaller than she actually was. I can’t quite follow the philosophy that claims if you can zip them up, you can wear them. Don’t they realize “squeezing in” really means “squeezing up”? She looked like a bran muffin that had overflowed its paper liner!

Have mirrors been outlawed?

I paid for my purchases, and headed out. Walking towards me at breakneck pace was a pretty woman about 21. In the 20 second span I watched her walk, she adjusted her shirt, adjusted her belt, and smoothed her hair. Then she adjusted her shirt, adjusted her belt, and smoothed her hair, followed by more adjusting of her shirt, adjusting of her belt, and smoothing of her hair.

I don’t know, maybe it’s a new form of cardio.

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